Tag Archives: social conversations

5 reasons why we need mental health advocates

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We’re living, as many of us can tell, interesting times. The pandemic has forced us to see the real dimensions of some issues often put aside from the public conversation. It showed us how those things we claimed to be not important enough to be prioritized had an impact on so many areas of our lives. And the mental health, the caregivers, were two of the things we’ve finally got to see that can not be postponed anymore.

Because, as much as we wouldn’t want to admit it, there is a great need for mental health services. There are people in need that can not afford the costs of their therapy sessions. There are no programs to support people’s access to mental health services. And there is for sure necessary to have mental health advocates. Here’s why.

  • Mental health issues occur at earlier ages than before

It ain’t easy being a child or a teenager in this era. Everything has to happen now to be relevant, and the pressure is huge. Family pressure, peer pressure, social pressure, everything has an impact on our children’s mental health. And there are enough studies that warn us about the symptoms of anxiety and depression having a rise in the age group 10-13. Our pre-teens are not alright, and their mental health is just as important as their physical one. What are we actually doing for them?

  • Mental health is a matter of public interest

There is no single aspect of someone’s life to not be affected by their mental health status. It affects their consuming behaviors, work patterns, productivity, empathy, ways of interacting with other people, everything one could possibly think about. In extreme cases, it is a matter affecting public safety, as well as the individual’s safety. And there is no responsible society letting their most vulnerable citizens deal with this on their own.

  • Mental health affects everyone’s lives

Mental health issues are not individual but systemic issues. They are the result of living in a hostile society. But they also have an impact at a social level: people needing mental healthcare are harder to be included on the job market, have less social ties, and sometimes become bargains for their close ones. Things that could be avoided if there would be a support system that would tackle the mental health challenges from their very beginning. If only there would be someone there to actually take the time and listen.

  • The social stigma associated with mental health services prevent people from seeking help

This is, besides the political and institutional aspects, one of the greatest challenges of anyone who’s advocating for mental healthcare. The associated stigma, which is still very powerful.

Besides the financial aspects, as for many people the psychotherapy sessions are not immediately affordable, they also have to fight the associated stigma. Because the belief that someone seeing a psychotherapist is a misfit remains, despite all the mental health awareness and resources across the Internet, still powerful and common.

These are just a small part of the reasons that make mental health a political matter. Because it concerns each and every one of us. Because it could be you or someone dear to you that’s going to struggle tomorrow. Because having a safety net that’s been well-built is an incredible asset in times of extreme uncertainty. Because mental health is health. There’s no such thing as harmful as the separation between physical and mental health. They’re both essential parts of what’s called being human. 

Because being an advocate for mental healthcare is one of the bravest things one can do. It takes courage and an in-depth understanding of their privilege to come and stand up for such a vulnerable matter. In the long run, though, it remains a battle that, if chosen by many, will benefit us all. But for that day to come, there’s a need for activists and advocates of the seemingly easy to understand idea that mental health is just as important as the health of our bodies.

Îmbătrânirea, între firesc și privilegiu

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Acum nu foarte mult timp citeam un articol despre îmbătrânire, unde erau prezentate două tipuri mari de atitudine feminină asupra procesului de îmbătrânire: modelul Halle Berry, unde efortul era canalizat spre păstrarea tinereții, și modelul Monica Bellucci, unde îmbătrânirea era primită cu naturalețe și detașare, ca parte a vieții. Am rămas întrebându-mă unde anume mă găsesc ca atitudine privind îmbătrânirea, ca să descopăr un subiect deloc, dar deloc simplu.

Îmbătrânirea e oricum un subiect complicat în societatea prezentului, dominată de vizual și presiunea unor așteptări sociale nerealiste. Între presiunea gândului că nu ai făcut destule până la vârsta ta și continua analiză a ce poți face mai bine, ce poți îmbunătăți la tine, nu mai rămâne atât de mult spațiu pentru întrebarea Eu cum mi-aș dori să îmbătrânesc? pe cât am avea nevoie. Iar când, pe lângă a fi femeie, ești și o pacientă diagnosticată cu o boală rară, nuanțele se multiplică în mod considerabil.

Înțelegi că atitudinea ta față de îmbătrânire o să fie una altfel. Una specifică, pliată pe nevoile tale, și pe întâmpinarea scenariilor nu-atât-de-roz care pot apărea cu anii. Pentru că o boală rară înseamnă, în primul rând, complicații posibile. Iar când te gândești la îmbătrânire, te gândești inițial la ele: o să apară? care va fi gradul de afectare?

Poate vor apărea toate, poate doar câteva, poate nici una. Poate vor avea intensități scăzute, poate vor avea intensități medii, sau poate îți vor influența considerabil calitatea vieții. Poate vor apărea terapii mai eficiente pentru afecțiunea pe care o ai, poate chiar șanse de vindecare, până la momentul în care complicațiile vor începe să apară. Îmbătrânirea devine o cutie a Pandorei mult diferită de îmbătrânirea clasică, a unei persoane clinic în regulă.

Așa am realizat și că simplul fapt că am ajuns într-o poziție și un moment al vieții care să-mi permită să îmi pun întrebări legate de cum voi îmbătrâni e un privilegiu. Sau, mai concret, e suma unui întreg șir de privilegii: privilegiul de a avea o familie care să lupte pentru drepturile mele, privilegiul de a avea acces la o bună îngrijire medicală, lucru vital în special în perioada copilăriei, privilegiul de a avea acces la educație de masă și un parcurs academic pe care să-l aleg eu. Chiar și faptul că nu mă văd îmbătrânind în România e un privilegiu.

Dar poate cel mai important privilegiu pe care-l am e să vin dintr-o familie în care îmbătrânirea nu-i o tragedie generatoare de angoase. Femeile din familia mea nu se sperie de riduri, fire albe, sau de faptul că nu mai au aceeași condiție fizică pe care o aveau acum câteva zeci de ani. Dacă le sperie ceva, nu le sperie îmbătrânirea, ci conștientizarea faptului că momentul în care noi vom rămâne fără ele se apropie. Dar asta ține de resorturi mult mai profunde decât îmbătrânirea.

Nu mă sperie îmbătrânirea nici pe mine. Pragmatic, știu că voi pleca din țară undeva unde există medici specializați în genul acesta de afecțiuni nu din lașitate, ci din luciditate. Sunt conștientă că, dacă vor apărea complicații pe măsură ce îmbătrânesc, o să am nevoie de medici cărora să nu trebuiască să le țin eu seminar introductiv despre afecțiunea pe care o am. Și da, avem medici excepționali în România.Majoritatea trecuți de 45 de ani. Ca pacientă pe lângă care s-au perindat generații de rezidenți, faptul că, de-a lungul perioadei adulte n-am recunoscut nici măcar doi dintre medicii rezidenți de când eram copil în spitalele din țară nu-i ceva încurajator.

La fel de pragmatic, însă, încerc să găsesc o formulă de aface lucrurile astfel încât, peste alți 25 de ani, să pot lua orașele la pas după clădiri, să pot alerga după autobuz sau pisici, să mă pot bucura în continuare de lucrurile care mă fac fericită. Știu că nu voi îmbătrâni neapărat lin, dar tentația căutării unei pante mai line spre degradarea biologică rămâne la fel de vie ca limitele corpului meu. Asta înseamnă să privesc, atunci când planific deciziile majore, la cum pot influența ele echilibrul dintr-un viitor îndepărtat, fizic, psihic și spiritual. Să iau decizii incomode, dar necesare, să mă gândesc mai des la ce trebuie făcut, și mai rar la ce aș vrea să fac.

Pentru că, atunci când trăiești cu o boală rară, nu te gândești, nici tu, nici cei din jur, la îmbătrânire. Te uiți la prezent și la ce ai de făcut azi ca să eviți posibile complicații sau căderi. Viitorul e undeva departe, și nu te prea privește. Important e controlul pagubelor și evoluției de acum, iar îmbătrânirea e doar o epifanie cât un fulger pe cer de ziua ta. Partea bună este, însă, că nici cei clinic sănătoși nu știu cum anume vor îmbătrâni sau ce vor dezvolta pe parcursul vieții. Nu e o competiție, nu e vorba despre cine îmbătrânește mai frumos sau nu. N-a fost niciodată. E vorba doar despre un proces natural, universal, dar a cărui gestionare depinde exclusiv de resorturi individuale, profunde, intime și subiective. Iar asta n-o să se schimbe curând pentru nici unii dintre noi.

The S between us

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Even if normally I tend to write differently, this week’s article will be centered more on the story, as it feels so important to be shared, to gain a better understanding.

Not that long ago, a guy asked me if depression ever cures. I told him that, no, it doesn’t. Not in the same way a cold would. But there are remission periods that, in a best-case scenario supported by the right amounts of psychotherapy and medication, last for years. He told me that he asked me that particular question because he has met a woman. And she is depressed. Diagnosed by a professional, not by Dr. Google.

I’ve asked him what’s the thing about it, and he told me that he has second thoughts about dating her, now that he’s aware of the fact that depression is a lifetime-lasting condition. He told me that it sucks, but it didn’t really hit me until he said to me I won’t have a relationship with her based on my empathy for her condition, I want someone normal by my side.

And then, it hit me. It wasn’t about that woman, she surely is a wonderful person. It was about him, and the way he’s seeing the world. About the chameleon always around us called stigma.

To keep the definition short, any label that favors discrimination is a stigma. There’s stigma everywhere: attached by your professional status, relationship status, financial status, and, of course, medical status.

More often then not, we tend to overlook the stigma and its presence in our lives. I have this tendency myself. But, at that moment, I thought She is, probably, awesome. A real, imperfect, yet strong and inspiring woman. She certainly didn’t have it easy. But every single good thing about her will be undermined by the fact that she is not normal. And that’s a shameful thing, indeed.

Of course, there is a man’s right to choose his significant other as he feels. But rejecting someone based on diagnosis will never be an actual choice. It is, usually, a proof of lacking empathy. Labeling someone before you even get to have a coffee with that person, to actually know it, is stigma. A harmful behavior, as it often brings up feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. And even if we know that we hate feeling like that ourselves, truth is that things are even worse if you face a chronic illness.

As a chronic illness person, you constantly tend to try and see yourself through other people’s eyes. To understand what could make them stay around you despite your illness. It could be your charisma, your sense of style, your intelligence, determination, the fact that they feel safe and empowered around you… a lot of things, basically, that don’t depend on a diagnosis or the lack of it.

But what about those facing a mental condition? For them, every new day brings a new battle. Their illness affects their mood, determination, their personality as well in some cases. They tend to be unstable, not because they want to, but because that’s part of their illness. Even so, some of them are wonderful people. Caring, genuinely interested in other people, open to be known better, to know you better. Some of them are artists or volunteering for NGOs, trying to offer to other people the support they needed at some point in their lives. Some tend to focus on more practical stuff. They all are worth knowing better. Being seen as they are, respected, helped, cared for, loved. Just like any other human being.

Yet, some of them never get to experience this part of their lives, because of the judgmental people that use their diagnosis as a sentence. As an excuse for giving up in the very beginning. And if for some people facing another kind of medical issue this can be more bearable, for them is not. A person facing a mental health issue will meet rejection frequently, in every aspect of her life, but the thing is how that person is rejected.

Being rejected for not being the right person for the one you’re into, or for that one job you would’ve wanted so bad to get, is one thing, and it happens to all of us. But being rejected with the underlying message that it’s not you, it’s that thing… That’s hard to bear, as it cancels everything good about yourself. It tells you that nothing could make up for that. Where that isn’t something that you could, as an individual, be blamed for.

 If there’s something that could only be accomplished with constant education and documentation, that’s more likely a better understanding of how mental health issues are functioning like. Because they’re not just a phase. Won’t just pass either. They’re affecting that person’s brain, balance, and lifestyle. And no one wants to have that kind of life, where you’re constantly between highs and lows, without any grey area to breathe in.

Stigma is fueled by stereotypes and misunderstandings that became popular. That’s why reading and asking about sensitive topics, like mental health illnesses, is the only way of getting rid of it. And if you’re feeling ashamed to ask a professional, you can always ask a person that you know suffering from depression, or any other chronic condition. They will answer all of your concerns and misunderstanding, even sharing documentation resources with you.

Because, at the end of the day, there are a few things that will remain unchanged. Like the fact that the easy way won’t be fulfilling, and the fulfilling way won’t be easy. Also, it is worth questioning our beliefs every now and then, especially when they can have an impact over the vulnerable categories, like the disabled, the mental illness patients, the poor people, the sexual minorities, and see what harm could bring them our attachment to our toxic, outdated beliefs. Keep always in mind that ignorance is like a walnut’s shadow: nothing ever grows underneath. Especially not meaningful relationships with other people. So the next time when you tend to avoid someone because of a stigmatizing label, sit a little and ask yourself is it really worth it, a reason good enough for me not getting to know this person? and you’ll have a surprise. More often than not, the answer is no.